dammit...

Everytime i think i have things figured out. i find out i dont. I put myself into a certain mind set, but in a snap everything changes again. I'm not in a rush for ne thing. I juss wonder where this is all gonna end up.

Reading things make ur mind sway a certain way. Maybe i should juss ask to find out. But if this all happens again. Can i really take all of this? After some crazy talks with justin and a couple especially with randy, im second guessed like a motherfucker. I dont know if i can put up with it all again. Im juss trying to have some fun without having ne one hurt in the end.

hah i remeber at kids nite out during a talk, i was giving examples and said this... "It wasn't me becoming more ok with it, it was just me learning to not say ne thing." Usually wen i talk things come out of my mouth without a thought. In a sense a good thing cuz its like me constantly telling the truth to an extent. But the bad part is somethings come out not sounding the way they should.

But wats that have to do with ne thing? Sometimes... i just shut up.

- "whats wrong?"
-- "nothing.... i juss dont have ne thing to say"

Im not lying wen i say that. or maybe i am... cuz i have plenty to say.. i just dont WANT to say ne thing. Wen something is TRULY on my mind.. THATS wen i shut up. thats wen im figuring things out.




hmm other things that stick in my mind from the past week.....

Changing.

Some people welcome it, sometimes its embraced, sometimes its taken the wrong way and blah blah theres millions of other things that have to do with it.

Changing isnt so bad. Im so freakin hard-headed. I always think im not gonna change 4 ne one, and that i like how i am and all that crap. But thats bullcrap. I really do try to change. And yanno what? Theres not a DAMN thing wrong with that.

Im always thinking itd be wrong to change for someone else. In a relationship deal... ur always thinking i WILL NOT CHANGE. Becuz we all know relationships end soon or later. But thats always my mind set.... dont change 4 ne one. As things go on though i find out that changing isnt so bad. Though i supposedly "love myself", there is always room to change for the better. And not juss for the situation.. but for myself.

Being to stubburn in thinking "I CANT EVER" change is just plain stoopid. You just have to, to better your situation, and better the person u are. Thats how u grow...

But i guess theres a fineline between changing and not being yourself.

So many questions asked, but no ones answering...

hah maybe... but once they're answered u only get another handful of questions.




welp nite all. Remeber seniors... our last year here. Maybe all the drama were MAKING and putting ourselves through juss isnt worth it. FUN is our keyword.
posted by Philip at 1:12 AM